Sunday 20th June, 2010.

1) Vicky the 'Swan Whisperer'. She's cheating really, of course. She's got a bag of stale Morrisons buns and she knows how to use it!

2) A family of stale Morrisons buns connoisseurs come over to dine out. This family had four cygnets a while ago. Dunno what's happened to the one. Our guess is a pike got it. Greedy swine.

3) Busy on the river today. What with a dragon boat festival and all the usual summer traffic. It's a veritable snarl-up.

4) Oh put yer flag away yer pillock. Ruddy glory-hunters. Come out every four years for the World Cup. Have no idea what football is all about. Reads The Mail, probably. It promised him Eng-er-land would definitely win it. Then he gets in a sulk when Eng-er-land disappoint (which they always do). Probably supports Manchester United an' all. Them, or Chelsea. It's at times like this that one wishes one had a handy U Boat to torpedo the twat.

(Of course, if Eng-er-land were ever to win a World Cup again, we would be very very happy indeed, and would be very pleased to see a Cross of St George flying from the mains'l).