1) Vicky asks all the right questions but the swans aren't telling. So we'll never know what happened to their two cygnets. But we can guess. 
2) This duckling is all on its own. Doesn't seem to belong to any of the adults given how they keep chasing it away. But it seems to be doing OK. Fingers crossed.
3) This is three-fifths of the only remaining family of ducklings in the Park. Trouble is, they're meal-sized. No wonder there are so many ducklings born, given the survival-rate.
1) Cowin' 'eck! It's only half-eleven and the car park(s) are almost full. We've never seen this many folk at the Dogs Trust before. This field is usually 'Out Of Bounds' when we do our dog walking. Some people are making dark mutterings about the World Cup keeping people away. Goodness knows how busy it is usually then. Now, where's the entrance? 
2) Yay! It's Rosie, with her new owner. We've walked her in the past so she's our 'Best Bitch' favourite. Must win. Definitely.
3) Rosie's not even in the Top Six! It's an outrage but we are determined to have a good time despite this early setback.
4) There's some hard-core judging going on. Tension fills the air. Money and favours are being exchanged. Oh no, hold on a minute, that's Crufts (oooh, very controversial: slightly camp Doggy Affairs Ed.).
5) 'I've appeared in Doc Martin, me'. 
2) Thankfully, the office has a camera and Vicky can capture the ducklings exploring their environment. The mother's not daft. It's an enclosed courtyard and so no four-legged predators can get in but the question remains: how will the ducklings get out?
1) Vicky the 'Swan Whisperer'. She's cheating really, of course. She's got a bag of stale Morrisons buns and she knows how to use it!
2) A family of stale Morrisons buns connoisseurs come over to dine out. This family had four cygnets a while ago. Dunno what's happened to the one. Our guess is a pike got it. Greedy swine.
3) Busy on the river today. What with a dragon boat festival and all the usual summer traffic. It's a veritable snarl-up.
4) Oh put yer flag away yer pillock. Ruddy glory-hunters. Come out every four years for the World Cup. Have no idea what football is all about. Reads The Mail, probably. It promised him Eng-er-land would definitely win it. Then he gets in a sulk when Eng-er-land disappoint (which they always do). Probably supports Manchester United an' all. Them, or Chelsea. It's at times like this that one wishes one had a handy U Boat to torpedo the twat.
Someone's got that morning-after feeling and someone else is prepared to take a photo. That's the trouble with holding the motorcycle GP in the middle of the hay fever season. And as any fools knows, man-hay fever is the very worst sort (oh yes). Let's start a petition to return the GP to its old early-August post-hay fever season date. Now, where did I put those tablets?
1) It's about 8:45am, we've driven here, parked up at Abbey, paid £20 (each) to get it, walked over two bridges and the Paddock is in sight. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. It's amazing what you can do when you're used to getting up early for work. Next stop, the Public Pit Stop Walk.
2) After a long wander, thanks to people in fluorescent jackets being friendly but having no idea where said Public Pit Walk starts, we eventually find the end of the queue. Some people have tickets, some don't (us included). Hmm. We get talking to a couple of blokes with tickets and mention that we couldn't find a way of booking them via the website. No, they say, we tried that, so when we 'phoned up for our Sunday Grandstand tickets we mentioned it. We were told we could only book them by 'phone. Cost £25 a pop. Hmmm. OK, we say, enjoy yer Pit Walk! Seems the world is not as modern as we thought. Who'd have thunk you had to use the olde-fashioned 'phone to book something up. Very bizarre. The Programme encourages folk to take the Public Pit Walk. It says that 'some of the teams might open their garage doors'. Hmm, that's a lot of dosh for a 'might'.
3) So, it's off to the National Paddock for us. It's free and we might spot someone famous. Yay! It's Michael Rutter proving he can walk, talk, and smile for the camera all at once. Clever bloke. Mind you, he was born in God's Country so he has an advantage over most mere mortals.
4) About £8k's worth of lids right there. David says he'll have the one on the top row, second left. Vicky says she'll have the one bottom left. Trouble is we haven't got a 'bike anymore.
5) Time to head over to the Paddock Cafe (which the public can access) for some scran. On the way we get a call via Howard the Trucker's mobile saying that he's delivered Casey and Nicky's Ducatis and he's free to join us for some breakfast and hard-core spectating. When we get there Vicky orders two teas and two eggs on toast, one with one egg, and one with two. The lad behind the counter is confused. This does not compute. Eventually he susses it out. So, one's got one egg and the other two? Yes, that's right, we confirm. Not difficult, is it?
6) There's a lull in activity on-track (practice doesn't start until midday) so it's back to the National Paddock to see what's occurring. Yay, it's John McGuinness. It's just like being at the TT but without having to suffer the dodgy ferry and the questionable B & B's.
7) With midday rapidly approaching, it's time to find a grandstand seat. We head for Luffield/Woodcote (as per usual). We were worried that our general admission ticket isn't valid for the stands but it is. Bargain. It's not long before 'The Lads' arrive. They've got everything they need for a day's spectating. Chairs? Check. Beer? Check. Wheelbarrow to cart the beer around in? Check. Coats and food? Nah, naff-orff! Whatcha fink we are, pooftas?
8) We've moved to the Start Line Grandstand for the 125' and Moto GP sessions. Hmm, thinks Vicky, it's a great view from here but Dave'll have a job getting photos from this far back. Still, it keeps him entertained, eh?
9) The main man and the reason that Vicky was so keen to attend this year's GP. We have watched Loris Capirossi since he was the 'Bisto Kid' on the 125's back in the day at Donington Park. Soon he will inevitably retire. We shall miss him.
10) The weather forecast said we would be 'very unlucky' to get a shower today. We are unlucky. Just before the end of the Moto GP session it begins to drizzle. By 3:00pm it's that light rain that gets you soaked. We move under the roof of the stand but it is no good. It is cold and we need sustenance. We give the start of the Moto2 session a miss and head for the foodies. We have one portion of chicken and chips between us. The Food Police are only half-appalled. We feel much better and head back to the Luffield/Woodcote section for the end of Moto2.
11) By 4:30pm the Superstocks are out and it's, ahem. p*ssing down. many people are drifting towards the exits.
12) We decide to head for the new Arena Section to watch the 250's before deciding whether it is worth staying to watch England v Algeria game on the Big Screen. We have got our sensible coats on but we bet there are loads of people who wish they were dressed for the weather like the medis and marshals.
13) We arrive at the Arena as the 250's hit the track just before 6. At that precise moment Stolen ID, the evening's entertainment, start up. They rawk, in a kinda karaoke-pub-rock sort of way. Would be good on a sunny summer's evening. trouble is it is now cold, windy and wet. Most folk have gone home and the audience is, ahem, sparse to say the least. Shame. Looks like we will have to head home and brave the Friday evening traffic.
14) David is excited. He has managed to persuade Vicky that we still have time to take a quick view from Abbey and get a photo of the new Pits/Paddock complex being built. Good, eh? Now it's time to head back to the car, eat our packed lunches (we couldn't be bothered to lug them around all day). It is so cold that the ice blocks in the cool bag are still frozen after almost 12 hours. Good old Silverstone. It's 6:45pm and now it's just the question of a 90 minute drive home. We might miss a bit of the match but it doesn't matter. Our Brave Boys will do the business against Algeria. Bound to (oh yes).
1) Obviously, what with there being a new Government hell-bent on making cut backs in Local Authority spending and such like, it is vitally important that we reassure that very nice Mr Cameron that there's absolutely no need to train his spotlight on the likes hard working folk like us. 
1) Who wrote the lyrics to that song by Danny Kaye? Were they on drugs? 'There once was an ugly duckling', indeed. Cygnets aren't ugly and here's the proof.
1) 'Yer diggin' it round, when it ortta be square!' Ah yes, the immortal childhood lyrics sung by Bernard Cribbins. Birmingham City Council are ignoring them at their peril as they dig another ruddy great hole in the city centre. This one will eventually morph into the new Central Library. So, 'watch this space'. Literally.
2) Always something going on in Birmingham. Today it's a Food Fair. A splendid opportunity for people to make money from hungry people like us. But first we have to get David's hair cut and do some shopping. That should work up an appetite.
3) This is what Aussies eat all the while (oh yes). In true Ocker-style we enquire whether the burgers come with 'the lot'? The cook (we hesitate to say chef) looks at us blankly. Something tells us he is un-Australian. Good job David's got an appointment at the barbers or he'd have to barrack the bloke.
4) An hour and a half later and we are ready to sample some street cuisine. Vicky's tackling some chicken noodles which, she explains, are not a patch on the ones we had at the Chinese New Year.
1) It's quite late in the afternoon and our family of swans is settling down for the night. Don't worry, the second cygnet is fine but, sadly, just out of shot.
3) Mum! Mum!! Why are these big ugly humans pointing that thing at me? Don't worry, dear, they'll get fed up with it eventually.
I was getting worried for a bit last week. Hadn't spotted the family on my regular walk through the park for a couple of days. Must have been lurking in further flung parts. But they are back now. Which is good.
1) Let's start in the medical ward. Two sweet kittens who, as soon as they are fit and well, will be re-homed, no problem. Not quite sure what is wrong with them exactly. A touch of kitten flu perhaps? A chance for Ann and Derek to perform wonders with a syringe.
2) Tiddles?! Cowin' Tiddles!? Is this the best name that the combined expertise of the CP can come up with? Fergawdsake somebody, adopt this cat forthwith and give it a decent name.
3) Vicky, Derek and Ann all said this one's a bit bit squiffy. Squiffy? David is righteously appalled. He's lovely, he retorts, and any cat who likes a rub just behind the ears is alright by me.
4) Prisoner of Cell Block 5 Update, pt 386. We've always thought this one was a fella but it transpires he is a she and her name is Gemma (with a 'G', so as not to be confused with Jemma with a 'J', obviously). Don't tell the CP but we have secretly re-christened her 'Hattie'. She's starting to get used to us after over a year of monthly visiting orders and is quite happy nowadays to use a thigh as a handy head rest. It's progress. Not much, but it is progress.
2) Never realised until today that Will Hall's 1600cc Force PC is powered by a bored-out Suzuki Hayabusa engine and it's by no means the only one in the 1100cc - 1600cc racing car class. Hmm, must get chatting to folk in the paddock more often. It's amazing what you can find out that way.
3) Derek Bell trying out the Ash Mason/ Steven Day (I think) 4 Litre Pilbeam MP97-01 for size on a demonstration run. David is pleased to tell Vicky that he's seen Derek Bell drive in the '70's, not the '80's, the '90's and now the...er......whatever it is they're calling this new decade. Vicky is pleased to listen (oh yes).
4) This is Colin Dodge urging his 760 Triumph Bonneville out of the Top 'S'.
6) Howard settles down for a bit of hill climbing action and the much appreciated chance to catch his breath. A wheezing David and Vicky (thankfully) just out of shot (oh, the cowin' humidity).
7) OK, 'Films' have been replaced by Memory Cards, so we can understand that one. So what or who has done for 'Sweets'. We can only conclude that the Food Police have recently visited here (the swines).
8) It's well gone lunch time and Martin Groves (l) and Paul Ranson (adjusting him - more tea vicar?) have only just unloaded their 3.5 Litre Gould GR55B-NME from the back of their trailer after spending a week rebuilding it after Groves pranged it at Gurston Down last weekend. So, they probably won't do very well this week then, eh? Actually, FTD and two Top 12 Run Off wins. Pretty outstanding effort then.
9) David is pleased to try out Shelsley's new Paddock Toilets. Er, Vic, there are no urinals. No Dave, you pillock, you've just used the Ladies. Ah, good job no-one else was caught short then. Note to self: must concentrate and pay attention to door signs in future.
10) Higher! Lower! Alright m'loves! Good game, good game! Bruce Forsyth enjoys a weekend's down time helping out at the Shelsley start line. Well, he does look quite a bit like a (slightly) younger version of him.
11) Humiliated by a pillock who can't differentiate between the gents and the ladies, Vicky is pleased to announce that it is time to go. Well, she says, we have been here over five and a half hours.
