Saturday 10th July, 2010.

1) Bewdley's Food Police are everywhere. Some one's told them that Dave has just had a huge bacon sammidge. But, using all his guile, he evades capture by chomping his way through the largest crab apple in Worcestershire.

2) The Boys have been making good use of their double-chem lessons again by the looks of things.

3) Those pesky Welsh need to send us some more rain pronto. You wouldn't normally be able to stand there and only be up to your knees - it would be over your head.

4) Something going on in Droitwich? Surely some mistake? But no, someone has put together a little exhibition of American cars. Only three, I mean you wouldn't want the Town Fathers to go overboard now would you? If we were on holiday in New England we'd take a photo, so we do.

5) Been to Bewdley, had a snack and a walk. Been to Droitwich, done the shopping. Back home now, had some dinner, and so it's time to assume the usual position. Well, it is a hard life.

England Lions v India 'A', New Road, Worcester, Tuesday 6th July, 2010.

1) New Road is always a splendid (and I use the word advisedly) place to watch a spot of cricket.


2) Last year, against the dreaded Aussies, Ian Bell was a national disgrace (oh yes). Out for a Golden Duck. This time he is a National Hero (note the capitals) having scored 150-and-odd.

3) The England innings is over and we wont stand for any talk about the ground staff doctoring the wicket in favour of our brave bowlers (oh no).

4) Steward is, ahem, somewhat taken aback at the state of the travelling Barmy Army's 'comedy barnets'. A good dose of the Army'd do 'em good.

5) Ian Bell (second right), as Captain, drums into the lads how close the finish to the game is likely to be. 'Right then, whatever you do, don't let the Indians draw off the very last ball thanks to a sloppy leg bye'. OK, Cap'n, no probs.

Birmingham, Saturday 3rd July, 2010.

1) It's thirsty work, this getting up in the morning and driving into town. So, first stop, is our traditional visit to the best place for a nice cuppa tea in Birmingham. 50p a cup and a free biscuit. But where are we?

2) Here's a second clue. Still haven't got it? Good. It's Top Secret and we wouldn't want any old riff-raff finding out about free ginger nuts.

3) It's not been a particularly successful shopping trip. We couldn't find any of the things we wanted and finished up buying two CD's (olde Rolling Stones stuff) and an air freshener for the car which, it has to be said, we could have got anywhere. But there's no need to be too despondent, as Birmingham has always got something going on to keep the masses entertained and today appears to be no exception.

4) It's a bhangra gig! Yay!! Possibly the most spiritually uplifting music in the world and what the word 'happy' was invented for. This drumming is a really serious business as any aspiring sticksman (or stickswoman, for that matter) will tell you.

5) Not everyone is inspired by a bit of bhangra, it would seem.

6) The multi-cultural bhangra band blast out their latest single and hundreds of grown up people can't help but jig about a bit.

7) Having bhangra-ed it's time to head over to the canals of Broad Street and Gas Street Basin. Ooh, look over yonder far towpath, it's the Handmade Burger Co! The Food Police are conspicuous by their absence. Let's go in!

8) Another new building has sprung up. Last time we came here, about a year ago, it was just a big hole in the ground (Birmingham is full of these big holes - one will transform into a new central library soon) but now it is a tall building with asymmetric gaps in its skin. But what the hell is it gonna be used for?

9) Everyone has a camera nowadays and visitors to the city are always taking shots of the civic buildings. The Council, ever aware of Birmingham's public image, are now employing roving make-up artists to help everyone look their best. And, let's face it, some folk need more help than others.

Gheluvelt Park swans update: Wednesday 30th June, 2010.

1) Vicky asks all the right questions but the swans aren't telling. So we'll never know what happened to their two cygnets. But we can guess.

2) This duckling is all on its own. Doesn't seem to belong to any of the adults given how they keep chasing it away. But it seems to be doing OK. Fingers crossed.

3) This is three-fifths of the only remaining family of ducklings in the Park. Trouble is, they're meal-sized. No wonder there are so many ducklings born, given the survival-rate.

Evesham Dogs Trust Open Day, Sunday June 27th, 2010.

1) Cowin' 'eck! It's only half-eleven and the car park(s) are almost full. We've never seen this many folk at the Dogs Trust before. This field is usually 'Out Of Bounds' when we do our dog walking. Some people are making dark mutterings about the World Cup keeping people away. Goodness knows how busy it is usually then. Now, where's the entrance?

2) Yay! It's Rosie, with her new owner. We've walked her in the past so she's our 'Best Bitch' favourite. Must win. Definitely.

3) Rosie's not even in the Top Six! It's an outrage but we are determined to have a good time despite this early setback.

4) There's some hard-core judging going on. Tension fills the air. Money and favours are being exchanged. Oh no, hold on a minute, that's Crufts (oooh, very controversial: slightly camp Doggy Affairs Ed.).

5) 'I've appeared in Doc Martin, me'.

Forgotten the name of this dog. It was called one thing whilst waiting to be re-homed and is called something else now it is a famous TV Star.

Anyway, it is now 2:00pm and time to join the queue to get out of the car park, drive home, and put ourselves through the hell which is an Eng-er-land game.

Sydenham Childrens Centre, Tuesday 22nd June, 2010.

1) It's just gone 9:00am and Vicky has just arrived at work only to be immediately informed of some vital developments on the Children's Centre-front. Government has slashed funding? Nope. Mass redundancies in Local Authorities? Nope. Yes, that's right, the ducklings hatched overnight. Yay!

2) Thankfully, the office has a camera and Vicky can capture the ducklings exploring their environment. The mother's not daft. It's an enclosed courtyard and so no four-legged predators can get in but the question remains: how will the ducklings get out?

Sunday 20th June, 2010.

1) Vicky the 'Swan Whisperer'. She's cheating really, of course. She's got a bag of stale Morrisons buns and she knows how to use it!

2) A family of stale Morrisons buns connoisseurs come over to dine out. This family had four cygnets a while ago. Dunno what's happened to the one. Our guess is a pike got it. Greedy swine.

3) Busy on the river today. What with a dragon boat festival and all the usual summer traffic. It's a veritable snarl-up.

4) Oh put yer flag away yer pillock. Ruddy glory-hunters. Come out every four years for the World Cup. Have no idea what football is all about. Reads The Mail, probably. It promised him Eng-er-land would definitely win it. Then he gets in a sulk when Eng-er-land disappoint (which they always do). Probably supports Manchester United an' all. Them, or Chelsea. It's at times like this that one wishes one had a handy U Boat to torpedo the twat.

(Of course, if Eng-er-land were ever to win a World Cup again, we would be very very happy indeed, and would be very pleased to see a Cross of St George flying from the mains'l).