Now, as enny fule no, you should never venture out into the big bad world in your car on a Bank Holiday. But, sometimes, you see something that looks worthy of investigation and so, against your better judgement, as 1:00pm arrives, you get in the car and set off full of hope.
Almost immediately you regret it as you become quickly mired in durr-brained 'Sunday' motorists trundling along country roads at a steady 40mph for mile after cowin' mile. They do 40 in villages with a 30mph speed limit and 40 on the open road with a 50mph limit. Other drivers get pissed off (no, not us) and take ridiculous risks to overtake along roads with blind bends and what-not.
By the time we arrive in Stratford we wish we hadn't bothered.
There's a Park and Stride place, according to the internet, but it isn't well signposted (sheets of hand-written A4 paper stuck to railings, basically). We do find it eventually, thanks to Vicky's local knowledge, but doing so does nothing to improve our mood.
2:00pm (approx): Having found and parked up in the Park and Stride we set off for the town centre along the canal.
There are boats, ducks and ducklings to look at so we're feeling a bit better now.
Guess the reason why we've come to Stratford today. Hordes of other people have had the same idea. So we stick to the quieter of the closed town centre streets.
One of Malvern's finest.
Vicky with some British heavy metal: not all of which is as old as it looks.
If you're sad enough to buy a Volvo estate, the least you can do is ensure it's as good as this one.
Oh deep joy: there's a cowin' market as well.
Time for a cuppa tea but all the tea rooms are rammed with scrotes who like driving along at 40mph everywhere they go (of course they are all one and the same - of course they are) so we settle for the cafe in the Theatre.
It's not the nicest (or cheapest) cuppa tea we've ever had but at least we could get a table.
Stratford's main street: too full of scrotes for us to investigate - we'll give it a miss, thanks.
At last, tucked away on another side street, a car worthy of Vicky's admiration.
Shakespeare's birthplace (supposedly).
It's about 3:30 now and we are on our way back to the Park and Stride.
The drive back home is a lot better. We are able to amble along at the speed limit for most of the way.
By 4:30 we are safely back in the sanctuary of our home. We have a nice rest and some dinner and, by about 8:00pm the 'day out' is all but forgotten.
We should have settled for one of our little walks along the river.
Ah well, can't win 'em all.
Vicky has got the week off, so let's hope it goes a bit better than today.
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